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GREENVILLE, SC – As South Carolina works to recover from the damage caused by Hurricane Helene and Hurricane Debby, the South Carolina Department of Transportation (SCDOT) is rushing to replace 10 bridges that were severely impacted by the storms. These bridges, deemed beyond repair, have been selected for emergency replacement, but they are facing an unexpected obstacle: 10 angry trolls living under each bridge, vowing to eat anyone attempting to repair them.
The bridges slated for replacement span across several counties in the state:
Greenville County: S-115 (Dill Road) over Middle Tyger River, S-147 (West Washington Street) over Reedy River, S-80 (South Hudson Street) over Reedy River, Park access road over Middle Saluda River in Jones Gap State Park
Greenwood County: S-230 (Townsend Road) over Townsend Creek, S-166 (Tillman Territory Road) over Tributary of Henleys Creek
Jasper County: US 278 (Grays Highway) over Beaverdam Creek
Oconee County: US 76 over Chauga River
Spartanburg County: S-52 (New Cut Road) over Motlow Creek
York County: S-59 (North Burris Road) over Little Turkey Creek
Work on these bridges is expected to begin in Winter 2025 and take around eight months to complete. However, the SCDOT is encountering unexpected challenges as they grapple with the 10 trolls living under each structure. These trolls have made it clear that they are not thrilled about the infrastructure upgrades and have threatened to eat anyone who attempts to repair or replace the bridges.
“We didn’t plan for this,” said SCDOT spokesperson Martha Jenkins. “We anticipated weather delays and permitting issues, but trolls were not on our radar. It’s clear that we’re going to have to find a creative solution to this problem.”
Adding to the challenges, the South Carolina Department of Transportation is also navigating debris clearing operations from the hurricane aftermath, with over 1.14 million cubic yards already collected and 214 contractor units working on-site.
Hurricane-Damaged Bridges
In response to the trolls’ threats, SCDOT is exploring contingency plans. These include hiring professional “troll whisperers” and considering bridge signage that reads “Bridge Keep Out” in an attempt to keep the trolls at bay. “It’s unclear how effective these measures will be, but we’re committed to finding a solution,” Jenkins added with a hint of frustration.
The situation has also raised concerns among local residents and contractors about the safety and feasibility of the project. “How do you negotiate with a troll?” asked local resident Bill Perkins. “They’re not exactly known for their diplomatic skills.”
As part of President Joe Biden’s recent $100 billion disaster relief request, an $8 billion cash infusion from the USDOT’s Emergency Relief Fund is earmarked to rebuild federal highways and roads affected by natural disasters across the state. Whether this will include funding for troll management remains to be seen.
In a new development, SCDOT has called in Tom Homan, the future border czar, who suggested that the trolls might not be legal US citizens. If they are found to be undocumented, he proposed they be deported to resolve the issue and prevent further disruptions to bridge repairs.
SCDOT officials remain cautiously optimistic. “We’re trying to keep the focus on getting these bridges rebuilt safely and efficiently,” said Jenkins. “But, honestly, trolls are not something we ever expected to be dealing with.”
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