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Conspiracy Theory 1423: Why All White MEN Over 65 Look Like Bill Gates
- Jeremy Borings #1 Fan
- Feb 19
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 20
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A bizarre new internet theory is gaining traction, claiming that all white men over 65 have gradually morphed into Bill Gates. The phenomenon, dubbed "Conspiracy 1423," attributes the uncanny resemblance to three pivotal moments in history: 9/11, the Star Wars “Greedo Shot First conspiracy,” and the JFK assassination.
“It’s not genetics—it’s a glitch in the simulation,” insists TikTok user @FlatEarthFiesta, who believes Gates’ face is a default setting activated by America’s collective trauma.
The claim has sparked fierce debate online, with some calling for drastic measures. Gen Z influencer Tessa Sacks, 19, has proposed a reality show exile for the so-called “Boomer Bills.” “Drop them on an island with Sudoku and golf carts,” she suggested in a viral TikTok, “Last one standing explains the stock market.”
The “Evidence” Behind Conspiracy 1423
Proponents of the theory argue that three world-altering events created the
“Gates Effect”:
9/11 – “The shockwaves of the towers collapsing fractured reality,” writes Reddit user u/IlluminatiConfirmed. “Now every male boomer defaults to ‘Tech Billionaire Who Asks if You’ve Tried Restarting the Router.’”
Greedo Shot First – George Lucas’s 1997 Star Wars edit allegedly rewired the public’s ability to distinguish truth from fiction, making Bill Gates the subconscious blueprint for all BBQ dads.
JFK’s Second Shooter – “The second gunman wasn’t on the grassy knoll—he was probably in a Microsoft lab,” tweeted @DeepStateDug, sharing a doctored image of Gates with a rifle and a Windows 95 CD.
The Island Proposal
Sacks, who previously went viral for calling 2014 memes “vintage,” has proposed a “Boomer Bill” survival island. Her plan includes:
Location: A place with Wi-Fi but no fiber optics, to keep contestants trapped in dial-up purgatory.
Weapons: Denture adhesive, unsolicited investment advice, and a single AOL free trial disc from 1998.
Final Challenge: Contestants must explain the plot of Inception while microwaving a Hungry-Man dinner. “If they survive, we’ll know they’re the real Bill,” Sacks stated while promoting her Cameo account.
Corporate America Profits Off the Hype
Major brands have wasted no time capitalizing on the conspiracy:
Ray-Ban has launched a “Not Gates” eyewear collection.
Meta is testing a “Boomer Bill” AI filter.
Elon Musk offered to fund the island, on the condition that it’s named “Twitter Island.”
Experts Respond
Historians and sociologists are less convinced.
Dr. Helen Blunt, a sociologist, dismissed the theory as “Gen Z refusing to admit TikTok has melted their attention spans.”
Dr. Rex Quirky, a pop culture historian, compared Gates to a corporate villain: “He’s the Voldemort of capitalism—he who must not be tax-evaded.”
Gates Responds
When approached for comment, Bill Gates, 67, squinted at a reporter and asked, “I don’t look like these guys. Do I? Wait—do I?” He then muttered, “Thanks, Obama,” before speed-walking into a Panera Bread.
Gen X Reaction: “Whatever.”
While Gen Z pushes the conspiracy, Gen X remains unfazed. “At least we’re not getting sued by Disney for our Luke Skywalker fan theories,” shrugged Dave Carlson, 49, midway through a Yellowstone binge.
Final Question: If All "Bills" Disappear, Who Fixes the Printer?
As debates rage on, one existential crisis remains unresolved—without Bill Gates, who will explain why Ctrl+Alt+Delete is the answer to everything?
Mike Honcho is a senior investigative journalist at Hard Hat Kings. His sources include a Magic 8-Ball and three hours of YouTube deep dives.
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