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LONDON—As the price of copper plunged 4.9% in November, the mysterious forces behind the drop have left economists scratching their heads—and local thieves are pointing fingers at their age-old nemeses: the Copper Goblins.
“These little devils sneak into the scrapyards at night, whispering incantations that tank the market,” claimed local conspiracy theorist and part-time scrap metal “enthusiast” Barry “Buckets” McMillan. “I had a prime haul ready to go—wiring from a church and a few air conditioner guts—and now it’s worth jack squat because of their dark sorcery.”
The London Metal Exchange (LME) confirmed that copper joined a lineup of beleaguered metals in November, alongside tin (down 7.6%) and nickel (down 6.3%). Despite the grim numbers, aluminum alloys and cobalt somehow managed to hold their value, sparking rumors that they’ve struck secret deals with the goblins to avoid their wrath.
Goblin Theories Gain Ground
Meanwhil across the pond, residents in Detroit’s recycling underworld are fully convinced the price drop is supernatural. “These goblins are slippery. First, they ruin your payday, then they vanish faster than the church bell I nicked last week,” added McMillan. “And don’t get me started on how they influence zinc. Those guys are playing the long game.”
Copper Prices Drop: Scrapyards across the region have reported a sharp uptick in bizarre anti-goblin security measures. “We’ve had folks show up with garlic, talismans, and a guy who insisted we smear everything with peanut butter to keep the goblins away,” said Carl Dumont, owner of Dumont Scrap & Salvage. “It’s not great for morale, or the yard cats.”
Economists Remain Skeptical
Market analysts, however, cite less whimsical causes. “It’s likely tied to weak industrial demand and inventory adjustments,” said Karen Llewellyn, a metals analyst who has never once considered goblin-related market influences. “But, you know, goblins… sure.”
Meanwhile, cobalt is being celebrated for its slight value increase, leading some to believe it’s “too shiny for goblins to mess with.” Aluminum alloy prices also showed a modest gain, fueling suspicions that the goblins have moved on to sabotaging bigger targets like Bitcoin.
Copper Prices Drop
Despite the losses, McMillan remains optimistic. “Goblins or not, I’m still out here grinding,” he said while eyeing the electrical wiring of a nearby streetlight. “They might knock the price down today, but I’ve got my eye on some primo catalytic converters. Let’s see them try their goblin tricks on those.”
With December trading underway, one thing is certain: the goblins, real or imagined, have a tight grip on the hearts, minds, and dwindling copper profits of Southeast Michigan’s scrap metal community.
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