Devil Convinces Idiots They Have Zero Regrets”: 30 People In Their 30s And 40s Get Honest About Being Childfree

Zero Regret

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OP/ED

To Have or Not to Have (Kids, Not Dessert)—That Is the Question

Disney Adults some of the most hated people on the planet.

A hundred years ago, it was a social requirement to follow marriage with 2.5 kids, a mortgage, and a lifetime of regret. Today? Millennials are birthing nothing but opinions about why they’re childfree. Selfish? Stupid? Absolutely—this is, of course, a fact, FYI.

We dove into Reddit to find the juiciest takes on why childfree folks are living their best lives and never having kids. Spoiler: They’re all really, really selfish. Enjoy!

#1 “At least I’m not passing this dumpster fire along” “My life is a dumpster fire, and I’m proud of it. But the best part? I’m not making anyone else suffer through it. Probably the most responsible thing I’ve ever done.”— CanoeShoes

#2 “No kids, more cats, fewer regrets” “40, no kids, and I’m living my best life. I travel, I have expensive hobbies, and I never hear ‘I’m bored’—just blissful silence. No regrets, zero.”— angelicism

#3 “Barely keeping myself alive, thanks” “38, and I can’t even keep my plants alive. Kids? Nah, I’m barely taking care of myself.”— NeverNotAnIdiot

#4 “America, where birthing a bill is mandatory” “I’m 39, and with America’s healthcare, childcare systems, and political circus, the idea of having a kid here is a nope from me.”— breachofcontract

#5 “The sound of silence is priceless” “Kids? Nah. Noise, tantrums, sticky hands. No thank you. I don’t even like kids.”— Minimus-Maximus-69

#6 “The cycle of dysfunction ends with me” “I’m a mess, but at least I didn’t drag another human into it. Freedom, baby.”— RandomDude801

#7 “Double incomes, no diapers” “We’re in our 40s, rich, and travel every year. Plus, I cry at bat mitzvahs instead of school plays—so, you know, priorities.”— grabthebullbythetail

#8 “Back pain but bougie” “34: it’s like being in my 20s, but with back pain, money, and more time for hobbies—so, obviously, I watch porn non-stop.”— USBmedic

#9 “Free time is the ultimate luxury” “37, married, childfree. We barely have time to exist, let alone raise a child. Between gaming and romance novels, what kid would fit into that? No thanks.”— HandsomeHeathen

#10 “Dogs > Diapers” “41, had an epic weekend of partying, biking, and hanging with my dog. Not once did I think, ‘This would be better with a kid.’”— whole_chocolate_milk

Christ’s Comment:

“What part of ‘Be fruitful and multiply’ didn’t you understand? Asking for a friend… His name’s God. Also, kinda depends on future humans, right?”

Final Thoughts

24-year-old Meizcathooman, creator of the viral "childfree" Reddit thread, announced today that he has no plans to ever have children. “There are already way too many people,” he explained while enthusiastically updating his Reddit thread. “Why add more? I’m keeping Reddit alive and single-handedly ensuring the survival of Hot Cheetos. It’s a full-time job.”

Despite mounting pressure from family to “settle down,” Meizcathooman remains unfazed. “I’m already on the frontlines of the snack industry. Adding diapers to that? Hard pass.”

#Counterpoint #hardnews #selfishandproud #millennialregrets #hotcheetos