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Local Retard Happy Gary’s Wild Quest for Glory at Global Operator Games
- Veronica Vaugh Sandler II
- Jan 12
- 4 min read
Updated: Jan 28
LAS VEGAS — Known affectionately as “Happy Gary,” local excavator operator Gary Peterson is defying all odds as he prepares to compete in the 2026 CAT Global Operator Games. With no hands, one eye, and a developmental disability that some would call "retarded", Gary’s rise in the world of heavy machinery is nothing short of miraculous—and terrifying, depending on whom you ask.
“Gary’s got heart. He’s got determination. And he’s got… well, a unique approach to operating equipment,” said Carl Simmons, Gary’s long-time coach and the only man brave enough to sit in the cab with him during practice. “He doesn’t let the lack of hands stop him. Or the eye thing. Or the… you know, the mental -other thing. He’s proof that anything is possible if you ignore OSHA regulations and basic physics.”
Glory at Global Operator Games: Born for the Job
Gary’s journey began in a small town in Indiana, where he spent his childhood building dirt castles with his feet and an old Tonka truck tied to a broomstick. “Even back then, you could see he had a gift,” said his mother, Linda Peterson. “He’d dig trenches in the backyard so deep we had to get a few new dogs. Sure, he couldn’t tie his shoes or spell his name, but he could excavate like nobody’s business.”
At age 19, Gary landed his first job operating an excavator for a local construction company. While most operators relied on joysticks and fine motor skills, Gary developed his own technique using a combination of his knees, chin, and sheer willpower. His coworkers were initially skeptical, but their doubts were silenced after Gary dug a perfect foundation for a house in under 30 minutes—albeit three blocks away from the intended location.
Aiming for Gold
Glory at Global Operator Games: Now 35, Gary has set his sights on the 2026 CAT Global Operator Challenge, the premier competition for heavy equipment operators. The event, often dubbed the "Olympics of Excavation," will feature events such as precision trenching, speed loading, and freestyle backhoe tricks. Gary is particularly excited about the freestyle category, where he plans to perform his signature move: “The One-Eyed Spiral,” a daring maneuver that involves spinning the excavator bucket in a circle while humming the theme from Power puff girls.
“People think I’m crazy,” Gary said in an exclusive interview, speaking through his custom headset-mounted microphone because he can’t hold a standard one. “And maybe I am. But if I can inspire just one person out there who thinks they can’t do something because they don’t have hands or because their IQ is lower than room temperature, then it’s all worth it.”
Controversy Looms
While Gary’s story has captured the hearts of many, not everyone is thrilled about his participation. Critics argue that his unorthodox methods pose a safety risk. “I watched him knock over an entire Porta Potty village at last year’s county fair competition,” said fellow operator and rival competitor Rick “Iron Arm” Jenkins. “How is that safe? Or legal? Or even remotely sanitary?”
Others, however, see Gary as a trailblazer. “Gary represents the future of this industry,” said Janice Wilcox, a spokesperson for the Global Operator Challenge. “He’s showing us that you don’t need hands, perfect vision, or a grasp of spatial awareness to excel. You just need guts. And maybe a really good insurance policy.”
Training Regimen
In preparation for the games, Gary has been training tirelessly at a local construction site generously loaned to him by a sympathetic foreman. His daily routine includes operating a simulated obstacle course, moving bowling balls into buckets with the excavator arm, and dodging cones placed strategically by his coach to improve reaction time. “Sometimes the cones are actually pedestrians,” Simmons admitted sheepishly. “But hey, it’s all part of the training.”
Gary has also been working on his mental game. “I listen to a lot of motivational tapes, plus I poop standing up,” he said. “Sometimes I mix it up with peeing. Did you know that the hulk is the best superhero of all time, just ask my dad's friend dale.”
Looking Ahead
Despite the challenges, Gary remains optimistic about his chances at the Operator Challenge. “Winning would mean I am better than Sarah B. 12, who lives down the street from me and throws rocks at me,” he said, a single tear rolling down his cheek and falling directly into the open hole of a soda can clamped between his feet. “I want to show people that it doesn’t matter if you poop standing up or wear special hulks Hands. Or only have one eye. Or your cousin says you can't have anymore cookies. You can still dig and dig good."
When asked if he had any final words for his competitors, Gary grinned, revealing a missing tooth that he claims “fell out during a high-speed excavator spin.” “Watch out butt lickers,” he said. “Because I’m coming... And probably I'll dig you six feet under. Sorry in advance.”
Conclusion
Whether he wins or not, Gary has already cemented his legacy as a hero in the heavy equipment world, or at least as a recurring OSHA cautionary tale. As the countdown to the ConExpo Global Operator Challenge begins, one thing is certain: Happy Gary isn’t just digging holes—he’s digging his way into history, and maybe an emergency room. Observers can’t decide if Gary represents the triumph of human spirit or the ultimate failure of modern safety protocols. Some say Caterpillar is visionary for allowing him to compete; others suggest they might be legally insane. Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion initiatives are being pushed to new extremes, and not everyone is thrilled about it. “This isn’t inclusion—it’s a high-speed liability with a backhoe,” said one anonymous safety official. Supporters, however, argue that Gary is breaking barriers and cones, sometimes both at the same time. Whether this is progress or a live-action insurance claim remains hotly debated, but one thing’s for sure: the 2026 games will be unforgettable, if not entirely survivable.
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