If You’re Going to Be a Bad Mother, Don’t Put It in Writing, Experts Warn

Bad Mom

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AI interpretation of a "bad mother"

In a groundbreaking new report, leading experts on parenting have issued a stern warning to bad mothers everywhere: If you're going to be a subpar parent, for the love of all things sacred, don't document it.

"We get it—sometimes you're just not winning at this whole motherhood thing," said Dr. Marla Hughes, a clinical psychologist and expert on maternal instincts. "But the moment you commit your worst moments to paper, text, or even a Snapchat story, you're pretty much setting yourself up for a lifetime of regret. Just, like, maybe try to keep it to yourself, huh?"

The report, published in the prestigious Journal of Things That Should Stay Private, outlined several examples of mothers who took their parental failures to the next level by documenting them in writing. One particularly harrowing case involved a mother who, in a moment of exhaustion, wrote a heartfelt blog post titled "Why I Let My Kids Have Soda for Breakfast: An Act of Rebellion." The post has since been shared by more than 200,000 people, most of whom were judging the author’s choices, but some were just confused.

“It’s one thing to shout at your kid to stop playing with the dog while you’re trying to get through a Zoom meeting,” explained Hughes. “It’s another thing entirely to write a 500-word post about it and then hit 'publish' for all of your PTA friends to see.”

In the same vein, a viral Facebook status posted by single mother Jessica Bauer has experts shaking their heads. "Told my kid ‘If you don’t stop eating the cat’s food, I’m going to sell you to the circus!’ But instead of laughing at my own exhaustion, I posted it for all of Facebook to see, because, you know, it felt funny at the time," Bauer wrote in the post, which currently has over 8,000 likes.

“Sharing this sort of content is problematic on multiple levels,” says Dr. Hughes. “First, it's not funny. Second, it’s possibly illegal to threaten to sell your child to a circus, especially if that circus is located in another country. Third, do you really need to share that much about your failed parenting skills?”

Indeed, the boundaries of social media seem to offer no safe haven for those who’ve slipped up. Last week, a mom in suburban Ohio proudly shared a TikTok video where she admits to accidentally sending her child to school without a backpack. It’s unclear what was more shocking: the fact that she let it happen, or that she thought sharing it with her 5,000 followers would win her any "Cool Mom" points.

The report also offered some helpful advice for any bad mothers looking to keep their worst instincts under wraps: take a moment to reflect before sending that text, tweet, or blog post. It’s perfectly fine to feel frustrated, tired, or confused about parenting—just make sure your missteps aren’t memorialized for all of the internet to mock.

“Trust us,” Hughes added. “Your bad parenting decisions are so much easier to forget when you don’t have photographic evidence. The internet will not forgive you.”

In a related development, studies show that mothers who just text “I’m sorry” to their kids at least three times a week see a decrease in viral social media posts related to parenting mistakes.

At press time, the author of the controversial circus post has since deleted her Facebook account, but not before her mother saved a screenshot of the post, planning to hold it over her head at Thanksgiving for the next decade.

#satire #mothers