LISTICLE: 5 Things to Consider When Starting Construction Projects: The Only Guide to Guaranteed Life Experience.

Test covers for "Fail Harder" by Thaddeus Steelcroft

Starting a construction project? Congratulations! You’re about to embark on a thrilling journey filled with stress, financial ruin, and the occasional existential crisis. While most guides will encourage you to plan and prepare, we’re here to show you how to turn your project into an unmitigated disaster.

Forget about smooth operations or staying under budget—where’s the fun in that? If chaos is your goal, follow these five surefire tips to turn your dream project into a waking nightmare.

When Starting Construction Projects:

1. Ignore Professional Advice—Your Intuition Is King

Experts are overrated. Who needs architects, engineers, or surveyors when you’ve got a smartphone and a vague idea? Instead of consulting professionals, rely on your gut instinct and a couple of YouTube tutorials.

Need a blueprint? Grab a marker and sketch it out on your garage wall. Who cares if your measurements are “close enough”? Precision is for perfectionists. Real visionaries embrace a little asymmetry—it’s artistic. Pro Tip: When someone insists you consult a professional, respond with, “What’s the worst that could happen?” The answer, as you’ll discover, involves lawsuits, structural failures, and probably some unintended swimming pools.

2. Contracts? Overrated. Trust Is the Real Foundation

Contracts are for people who lack faith in humanity. Why bog down your project with legalese and binding agreements when you can rely on a friendly handshake? Trust is the glue that holds all great projects together—and occasionally the glue that sticks you to your contractor’s ever-changing terms.

If you absolutely must have something in writing, jot it down on a napkin or the back of a receipt. Make sure to use vague language like “as soon as possible” or “to the best of our ability.” It adds a delightful air of ambiguity to your project.

Pro Tip: If disputes arise, settle them with a coin toss. It’s faster than arbitration and much cheaper than hiring a lawyer. Just make sure you’re the one flipping the coin.

3. Budgets Are Just Suggestions

Ah, budgets. The most ignored part of any construction project. Instead of wasting time crunching numbers and planning for contingencies, take a more relaxed approach. Pick a random figure that sounds good and hope for the best.

When unexpected costs arise—and they will—just keep adding zeros to the end of your original budget until you can no longer recognize the number. By the end, you won’t care how much you’ve spent because you’ll be too busy figuring out which organ fetches the highest price on the black market. Pro Tip: Never ask for a detailed breakdown of costs from your contractor. It’s much more exciting to find out you’ve paid $500 for a single screw after it’s already installed.

4. Security Measures? Just Use a Good Lock and Hope

Forget performance bonds or guarantees. All you need is a sturdy padlock and an overconfident attitude. If your contractor disappears midway through the job, you can always track them down on social media. It’s not stalking if it’s business, right? As for site security, who needs cameras or alarms? A couple of menacing “Beware of Dog” signs should suffice. Bonus points if you don’t actually own a dog—fear of the unknown is far more effective than reality.

Pro Tip: If you suspect theft or sabotage on your site, do what any reasonable person would: post a dramatic rant online and let the comments section handle it.

5. Regulations Are More Like Suggestions

Building codes and safety regulations are great for other people, but you’re a rebel. Why let rules and guidelines dictate your vision? If anyone questions your unconventional methods, just tell them it’s an experimental project. Critics might call it a hazard, but you’ll call it “innovative.”

Skip the hassle of permits, inspections, and compliance. If anyone from the local authorities shows up, just play dumb. “Oh, I didn’t realize I needed a permit to install a fire-breathing gargoyle on the roof. My bad!”

Pro Tip: If things go south, blame your contractor. After all, it’s their job to know the rules, not yours. Bonus points if you ghost them before they can ghost you.

A Final Word on Embracing the Chaos

Embarking on a construction project doesn’t have to be an exercise in organization and sanity. By skipping the basics like planning, budgeting, and accountability, you can create a rollercoaster of frustration and regret that you’ll never forget. In the end, it’s not about the destination (a completed project)—it’s about the journey. A journey filled with tears, rage, and questionable decisions that will leave you with plenty of stories to share at parties. So go ahead, throw caution to the wind, and build that crooked tower of dreams. Just remember: when the walls start to crack and the neighbors start to complain, at least you’ll have no one to blame but yourself and that's how you can really start winning. You don't need luck, you can build that failure quickly to get it out of the way. Dear reader I'll leave with a quote from my rare out of print book.

"Failure is just an opportunity to teach yourself a new skill—like learning to break up a lawsuit or figuring out how to politely explain to a judge why you’re not responsible for that toxic spill."

— Thaddeus Steelcroft, Fail Harder: Why You Should Tank Your First Five Companies, Chapter 2

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