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Moonwalking into Oblivion: My Year Inside Komatsu’s Moon-Madness Think Tank
- An Industry Insider
- Feb 14
- 3 min read
By: Kenji “Buzz” Tanaka (Intern, Coffee Fetching Specialist)
The Day I Realized My Bosses Were High on Moon Rocks
Japan- It all began on a Tuesday. Or maybe a Wednesday. Honestly, time loses meaning when your office is a converted supply closet plastered with Interstellar posters and a whiteboard that just says “SPACE????” in permanent marker.
I’d joined Komatsu’s “Lunar Innovation Division” as an intern, lured by the promise of “revolutionizing humanity’s future.” Turns out, “revolutionizing” meant gluing solar panels to a Tonka truck while Manager Sugimura hummed the Star Wars theme.
“Kenji!” Sugimura barked, pointing at a whiteboard diagram that vaguely resembled a toaster. “Behold—the future of lunar excavation! We’re replacing steel with recycled yogurt cups. Lightweight! Sustainable! Highly flammable!”
I nodded, pretending this made sense. Across the room, Hardware Engineer Horie was stress-eating Pocky and muttering about “hydraulic systems” being “overrated.” Software Lead Kikuchi was teaching a Roomba to play Dragon Ball Z sound effects. It was 9 a.m.
The Great “Let’s Just Duct Tape It” Era
By Week 3, I’d learned the three pillars of space engineering at Komatsu:
Optimism: “Gravity’s just a suggestion on the moon!”
Resourcefulness: “Who needs NASA’s budget when you’ve got Office Depot rewards points?”
Denial: “If the lithium batteries explode, we’ll call it a lunar firework show.”
One morning, Horie burst in holding a salad spinner. “Eureka!” he cried. “We’ll use this for the rover’s gyroscope! It’s literally spin class for machinery!”
Kikuchi, meanwhile, was debugging the “AI” by feeding it memes. “If it laughs at Grumpy Cat, it’s ready for the moon,” he declared. The algorithm’s first command? “ERROR: Moon not found. Recommend digging hole in breakroom.”
The CEO’s Vision (And His Yacht’s Wi-Fi Password)
Things got real when CEO Ohashi Zoomed in from his “strategic offsite” (a beach in Monaco). “Team!” he boomed, sipping a martini garnished with a tiny Komatsu flag. “The moon isn’t just a rock—it’s a market. Think: lunar timeshares. Moon malls. Space Starbucks!”
Sugimura saluted. “Sir, we’ve prototyped a bulldozer made of Legos and pure hubris.”
“Perfect!” Ohashi replied. “Now, slash costs by 300%. Use interns as crash-test dummies. And remember: If Elon can sell flamethrowers, we can sell moon backhoes!”
The call ended. We sat in silence. Then Kikuchi whispered, “Do you think… the moon has Wi-Fi?”
The Incident with the Janitor’s Microwave
Disaster struck in Month 6. During a “simulation” (read: microwaving a scale model of the rover to “test thermal resistance”), the prototype melted into a gooey puddle. Horie stared at the mess. “…It’s art now.”
Sugimura remained undeterred. “Failure is just success with extra steps!” he declared, slapping a “LUNAR GRADE” sticker on the blob. “Ship it to NASA. Call it a modern art installation. Bill them $12 million.”
The Children Are Our Future (And Hopefully Smarter Than Us)
The final straw? A school field trip to our “lab.”
“Kids!” Sugimura announced, gesturing to a Roomba with a hard hat. “This is the future! Who wants to drive a moon bulldozer?” A 10-year-old raised her hand. “But… the moon has no atmosphere. Won’t the batteries freeze?”
The room fell silent.
“Uh,” Kikuchi stammered. “We’ll… use the Force?”
The child stared. “You’re all fired, aren’t you?”
Moonwalking into Oblivion
Today, the project’s on “indefinite hiatus” (translation: Sugimura got transferred to the pencil-sharpener division). But I’ll never forget those days—the duct tape, the delusion, the smell of burnt plastic.
As Horie said on his way out: “We didn’t reach the moon… but we did reach the bottom of the company coffee budget.”
And really, isn’t that the true final frontier?
Kenji “Buzz” Tanaka is now pursuing a career in pet-sitting. His memoir, “Moon Intern: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Space Junk,” will be released in 2025 (probably).
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