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DETROIT— In a shocking turn of events that rocked both the automotive and anthropological communities, a Michigan woman has filed a lawsuit against rideshare giant Lyft after a driver allegedly told her she was “too big to fit” in his vehicle. But while corporate America failed her, the Asmat Tribe of West Papua, Indonesia, has extended a warm invitation—emphasis on "warm"—to join them for dinner.
Dajua Blanding, known in Detroit’s underground rap scene as Dank Demoss, posted a video detailing her harrowing rejection at the hands of a Mercedes-Benz driver who, despite being part of a multibillion-dollar industry designed to transport humans of all sizes, apparently drew the line at 489 pounds. “I can fit in this car,” she insisted in the now-viral video, to which the driver allegedly replied, “Believe me, you can’t. My tires are not capable.”
The incident set off a firestorm of debate on social media, where users were divided between supporting Demoss’s right to ride in a midsize sedan and defending the driver’s apparent fear that his car might spontaneously combust under the strain. Lyft responded swiftly, stating they were “disheartened” by the driver’s actions and were committed to fostering a community where “everyone is treated with equal respect and mutual kindness”—unless, of course, said community members exceed the maximum weight limit of an economy-class vehicle.
But as Americans quibbled over weight-based discrimination laws, a beacon of hope appeared from the most unexpected of places: the Asmat Tribe of West Papua, Indonesia, a group historically known for their open-minded views on body acceptance—especially when it comes to their dietary preferences.
“We were saddened to hear that this woman was rejected based on her size,” said tribal elder Waga Rumbawa, translating via an anthropologist. “She is clearly a woman of great substance, and we would be honored to host her for a feast in her honor.”
The invitation, while gracious, raised a few eyebrows among ethnographers, given the tribe’s reputation for incorporating visitors into their cultural and culinary traditions in ways that are, shall we say, deeply immersive. In fact, Rumbawa added that the tribe suggested she would be able to stay for dinner for at least 6-8 weeks for the entire tribe to enjoy.
Legal experts weighed in on the case, with Demoss’s attorney, Jonathan Marko, vowing to fight against this blatant discrimination. “The law is clear: No one should be denied a ride based on their weight,” he said, adding, “Even if physics suggests otherwise.” Meanwhile, Lyft executives scrambled to address the PR disaster, assuring the public that they are actively working on more inclusive transportation solutions, such as reinforced suspension packages and industrial-grade shock absorbers.
As for Demoss, she remains undeterred. “I just want justice,” she said. “And maybe a ride in something that doesn’t come with a weight disclaimer.”
As the legal battle heated up, so did the discussion around weight inclusivity. Social media was set ablaze with hashtags like #SizeShouldntMatter, #JusticeForDank, and #TireLivesMatter, as car enthusiasts weighed in with their own takes on load-bearing capacity. One Twitter user wrote, “I stand with PAID PHAT QUEEN, but let’s be real, Mercedes-Benz doesn’t make a sedan rated for livestock hauling.” Another user countered, “This is just another example of systemic anti-thicc discrimination!”
Meanwhile, the Asmat Tribe doubled down on their invitation. “We appreciate full-bodied guests,” said Rumbawa. “We think she would be a well-rounded addition to our community, both literally and figuratively.” He further assured that their hospitality knew no bounds, even offering to prepare special ceremonial oils to ensure a proper welcome. “We promise, it will be an experience she will never forget… or at least, an experience no one else will forget.”
Despite the Asmat Tribe’s hospitality, some internet users were skeptical. “Somebody tell Demoss to Google what happened to Michael Rockefeller,” one commenter warned, referring to the heir of the Rockefeller fortune who allegedly became an unintentional dinner guest in the region. Others suggested that perhaps this was all an elaborate metaphor for the ever-expanding nature of American litigation culture.
Back in Michigan, local fast-food chains saw an unexpected spike in business as people took sides in the controversy. “We saw a 20% increase in drive-thru orders of our double bacon cheeseburgers,” said one McDonald’s franchise owner. “I guess people are really embracing this ‘size celebration’ moment.” At a local gym, however, trainers noted a dramatic decline in attendance. “It’s like people are protesting cardio,” one fitness instructor lamented. “It’s their right, I guess.”
With both sides refusing to budge, the legal battle is shaping up to be one for the history books. Lyft continues to insist that their driver had the right to refuse service for the sake of his vehicle, while Demoss and her legal team argue that this is a clear-cut case of discrimination. The Asmat Tribe, for their part, is still eagerly awaiting her RSVP, along with a final weigh-in.
At press time, sources confirmed that Demoss was considering the Asmat Tribe’s invitation but had one major concern: “Do they have a Lyft XL option over there?”
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