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In a curious turn of events, the U.S. Department of Labor’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has cited two Florida contractors for exposing workers to deadly trench hazards. But according to agency insiders, the real reason for these citations wasn’t just about safety—it was about keeping those pesky Ninja Turtles from setting up shop in the Sunshine State.
The saga began when OSHA safety inspectors found Masci General Contractor Inc. installing a sewer line in a trench 6-feet-deep and 40-feet-long near Daytona Beach’s International Speedway and Atlantic Avenue on May 28, 2024. Concerned that a sudden trench collapse might lead to a battle between the workers and a rogue gang of sewer-dwelling Ninja Turtles, OSHA acted quickly. “We got them out of there just in time,” said Scott Tisdale, OSHA area director. “If those turtles start working construction jobs, it’s not just bad for safety, it’s bad for tourism.”
In a suprise quote the tincan/mafia leader only known as Shredder chimed in, “Trenches? Please, they’re just a playground for real businessmen like me,” said Shredder, the notorious investor in both companies. “Why waste time with safety measures when you can just dig deeper and rake in the cash? Those turtles may have their fancy nunchucks, but I’ve got investments in riskier assets—like these contractors.”
A few days later, OSHA found K T Carter Contracting workers in a similarly unprotected 12-foot-deep trench on Imeson Park Boulevard in Jacksonville. With their ninja training, these turtles could’ve easily performed dangerous flips and spin-kicks right onto a construction site. “We had to act fast,” Tisdale added. “No one wants to see a ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Construction Crew’ running around.”
OSHA cited both contractors for serious violations, including not providing a safe means to enter or exit the trench and for placing spoil piles dangerously close to the excavation edges. Masci General Contractor faces $216,633 in proposed penalties, while K T Carter faces $146,803.
“Exposing workers to unprotected trenches is risky business,” Tisdale concluded. “But when you throw in the added risk of an underground turtle army, it’s a whole new ball game. We’re just doing our part to keep Florida safe from mutant menaces.”
OSHA, denies existence of said Ninja Turtles and would appreciate if the media would shut up about it.
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