Saudi Arabia Unveils "The Line": 170-Kilometer-Long City Designed For People Who Really, Really Hate Walking Back

NEOM Progress. The city known as "The Line" in Saudi Arabia, 2024.

RIYADH – In a move that has left urban planners speechless and desert lizards utterly bewildered, Saudi Arabia today unveiled "The Line," a 170-kilometer-long city designed for individuals who possess an almost pathological aversion to backtracking.

"We understand that returning to one's point of origin can be a deeply unsettling experience," explained Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, speaking from a podium strategically placed at the exact midpoint of the city. "With The Line, residents can simply keep going, and going, and going, until they inevitably succumb to dehydration, exhaustion, or the existential dread of infinite linear progression."

Saudi Arabia Unveils "The Line"

The Line, a key component of the ambitious NEOM megacity project, boasts an array of cutting-edge amenities, including:

• Endless supply of energy drinks: To combat the inevitable fatigue associated with traversing 170 kilometers on a daily basis.

• State-of-the-art fainting couches: Strategically placed throughout the city for residents experiencing the inevitable dizziness and disorientation that accompanies prolonged linear motion.

• 24/7 drone-based pizza delivery: Because who has time to cook when they're busy endlessly moving forward?

• A comprehensive system of mirrored surfaces: To reflect the ever-receding horizon and create the illusion of movement, even when stationary.

• Mandatory daily meditation sessions: To help residents cope with the psychological impact of living in a city that seemingly has no end.

However, the project has not been without its critics.

"This is the most dystopian thing I've ever seen," remarked renowned urban planner Dr. Beatrice "Bea" McTavish, who fainted upon hearing the project's length. "It's like someone took the concept of a treadmill and applied it to an entire city. What happens when you need to go to the bathroom? Do you just… keep going? Do you have to resign yourself to a life of chronic urinary incontinence?"

Ferdinand, Th existential Desert Fox, Saudi Arabia.

Local wildlife, predictably, were less than thrilled. "This is an ecological disaster," lamented Ferdinand, a particularly articulate desert fox with a penchant for existential philosophy. "My ancestors have roamed these lands for centuries, enjoying the simple pleasures of a good sunbathe and a leisurely chase of a juicy scorpion. Now, we have to contend with this… this… thing."

"The constant rumble of construction vehicles is disrupting my meditation," complained Fiona, Ferdinand's more pragmatic sister. "And don't even get me started on the glare. The sun reflecting off all those mirrored surfaces is giving me a migraine."

"The worst part," sighed Ferdinand, "is the existential dread. Where does it all end? Does it just keep going forever? Are we all doomed to spend eternity chasing an ever-receding horizon? What is the meaning of life in a city without an end?"

These concerns, however, seem to have fallen on deaf ears. Construction on The Line is expected to commence shortly, with the first residents anticipated to move in sometime around the year 2087 (provided they haven't already reached the end of the line, or simply vanished into the shimmering, mirage-like distance).

"I predict a high rate of burnout," mused Dr. McTavish, regaining consciousness. "And a disturbingly high incidence of repetitive strain injuries. Who needs a treadmill when you can just live your entire life on one?"

NEOM RESIDENTS:

Saudi Arabia Unveils "The Line": Just weeks after the first residents moved into The Line, reports are emerging of unexpected side effects.

"It's… unsettling," confessed Mr. Ahmed al-Jabri, a resident of the city's inaugural "Forward Quarters." "You wake up, you eat breakfast, you go to work, and then you just… keep going. There's no turning back. It's like a perpetual motion machine, but instead of generating energy, it's generating an overwhelming sense of dread."

Mr. al-Jabri's sentiments are echoed by many. "The Line is supposed to be the future," said Ms. Fatima bint Rashid, a local schoolteacher. "But frankly, I feel more like a hamster on a wheel than a citizen of the future."

The psychological impact of the city's endless sprawl appears to be significant. A recent poll conducted by the Saudi Arabian Society for the Prevention of Existential Crises found that 87% of prospective Line residents are experiencing heightened levels of anxiety, while 13% have already developed a deep-seated fear of mirrors.

"The constant reflection of the horizon is incredibly disorienting," explained Dr. Khalid al-Fasi, a leading neurologist. "It creates a sense of perpetual motion, even when stationary. Many residents report experiencing vertigo, nausea, and a profound sense of existential dread."

The Line's developers, however, remain optimistic. "These are merely initial growing pains," stated a spokesperson for NEOM. "We are confident that residents will eventually adapt to the unique challenges of linear living. We are currently exploring the feasibility of implementing a city-wide 'reverse gear' system, but the logistics are proving to be quite… complex."

In the meantime, residents are left to grapple with the realities of living in a city that seemingly has no end. Some have taken to meditation, others to extreme sports (like competitive long-distance running), and a surprising number have reportedly taken to keeping pet turtles, hoping to recapture a sense of grounded-ness in a city that seems perpetually in motion.

#NEOM #CONSTRUCTION #FUTURE #BUSINESS #SATIRE

Note: The opinions and quotes attributed to desert foxes in this article are entirely individual to Ferdinand and should not be taken as an accurate representation of all desert fox sentiment.