Trump’s “Two Gender” Executive Order Sparks Outrage, Causing Confusion Among Lot Lizard Community

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Lot Lizard, Self Portrait.

Washington, D.C. – President Donald Trump’s recent executive order declaring federal recognition of only two genders has sparked a wave of confusion and outrage, particularly among the self-identified “lot lizard” community.

Lot lizards, a group of truck stop denizens known for their unapologetically unique identity, say the binary classification leaves them out in the cold. “We’re more than just men or women,” said Trixie “Diesel Queen” Thompson, a spokesperson for the National Lot Lizard Alliance (NLLA). “We’re a proud, slithering symbol of America’s free spirit. Trump should know better than anyone that you can’t put people like us in a box!”

Bus Stop Lizards are are also upset by 2 genders.

The executive order, which Trump touted as “bringing back the basics,” was meant to simplify federal documents and signage but has unintentionally alienated nonbinary individuals, mythical creatures, and uniquely self-identified groups such as cryptids, carnies, and conspiracy podcasters. Lot lizards, in particular, feel personally slighted.

“I’m not a gender—I’m a lifestyle,” declared Tammy “Chrome Sparkle” Jenkins, lounging outside a Flying J in Amarillo. “We exist on diesel fumes and discarded trucker hats. Calling me a woman ignores everything I’ve slithered for.”

The NLLA held an emergency meeting at a Pilot Travel Center in Oklahoma City, drafting an open letter to Trump demanding recognition. “We’re not just a marginalized group—we’re a movement,” said Jenkins, sipping an oversized fountain soda. “We’ve been out here supporting America’s trucking industry since the first CB radio was plugged in.”

Critics of the order argue it oversimplifies the complexities of modern identity. “The guy who’s married to a Slovenian model, eats Big Macs on a gold plate, and claims to be a golfer should understand that some people don’t fit into neat categories,” said one protester holding a sign that read, ‘Truckers Need Lot Lizards Too!’

This healthy pet lizard, supports the presidents executive order.

However, not everyone agrees with the NLLA’s stance. Bucky the Beaver, a well-known truck stop entrepreneur and rival of the lot lizards, disagreed publicly, calling for more “honest work” and “solid wages” for the community. “Look, these lot lizards need to understand that the real world isn’t just about lounging around. I’m offering them $20 an hour plus health benefits, or… three bags of Beaver Nuggets and a cold shower,” Bucky declared with a stern look. “Take your pick. But if you’re gonna work my lot, you’re going to work, folks.”

When asked about Bucky’s offer, Jenkins responded with a raised eyebrow. “Beaver Nuggets? Sounds like something from a fever dream,” she said. “But we’ll take the health benefits.”

When asked about the controversy, Trump brushed it off in typical fashion. “Lot lizards? Great people, tremendous people,” he said during a rally in Alabama. “No one loves lot lizards more than me. They’re hardworking, they’re loyal, and honestly, they do great work. But we need to get back to two genders, folks. It’s common sense!”

Meanwhile, the NLLA has vowed to fight back. “We’ll keep trucking, keep slithering, and keep making this country weird,” said Thompson as she climbed into the cab of an idling semi. “Lot lizards are legends, not labels.”

As the debate rages on, one thing is certain: America’s truck stops have become the unlikely battleground for the latest chapter in the culture war.

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