U.S. Construction Spending Unexpectedly Flat, But Carrie Walkerson Wants You To Know Flat Is Beautiful

Carrie's Walkerson believes "Flat is beautiful."

WASHINGTON D.C.—The Commerce Department's latest report on U.S. construction spending might not have been groundbreaking, but it has laid the foundation for an unlikely champion: Carrie Walkerson, a self-proclaimed “flat advocate” who insists that November’s numbers are a victory for level-headedness.

While economists anticipated a 0.3% increase in construction spending, the actual numbers were virtually unchanged, creeping up by less than a tenth of a percent to an annual rate of $2.153 trillion. This flatlining statistic left financial analysts scratching their heads—but not Walkerson.

“Flat is not a failure,” Walkerson declared at a hastily organized press conference outside a local Home Depot. “Flat is stability. Flat is grace. Flat is beautiful.”

Spending Unexpectedly Flat: Is "Flat" the New Growth

The Commerce Department report revealed that spending on private construction inched up by a modest 0.1% in November, reaching an annual rate of $1.651 trillion. Residential construction followed suit, also rising 0.1% to $906.2 billion. Meanwhile, non-residential construction remained as still as an untouched cement truck at $744.5 billion.

On the flip side, spending on public construction dipped 0.1% to $501.9 billion, with educational construction sliding 0.2% to $107.0 billion. Highway construction bucked the trend with a 0.2% increase, likely powered by a nation desperate for smoother roads and fewer potholes.

But none of this fazes Walkerson. “Look at residential construction! Up 0.1%. That’s progress, my friends,” she said, pointing enthusiastically at a bar graph on her iPad that barely showed a rise. “You might need a magnifying glass, but it’s there!”

Carrie Wilkerson "Self Portrait"

The Critics

Walkerson’s crusade for flat acceptance has its detractors.

“Carrie’s out here trying to make flat sound like a good thing,” scoffed Dan Peterson, a real estate developer from Omaha. “Meanwhile, inflation’s eating my drywall budget, and my crew’s threatening to unionize if I don’t up their coffee allowance. Flat doesn’t pay the bills, Carrie.”

Economists, too, have been less than thrilled by November’s report. “We expected a 0.3% increase, and we got this… plateau,” lamented Dr. Amanda Blake, a construction industry analyst. “Flat isn’t beautiful; flat is disappointing. Large voluptuous charts that show growth, that's beautiful, everyone knows this.”

But Walkerson remains unfazed. “You know what’s really disappointing? A world where we don’t celebrate flatness, Dr Amanda is obviously part of the problem,” she shot back during a radio interview.

A Grassroots Movement

Despite the skeptics, Walkerson’s message is resonating with an unlikely audience: construction workers who have spent decades on uneven terrain.

“I’ve never tired of slopes,” said Terry McMillan, a bulldozer operator from Kansas. “Carrie and Dr Amanda are both right. Flat or not flat you build both.”

Social media has also picked up on the movement.

The hashtag #FlatIsBeautiful started trending after Walkerson posted a TikTok dancing next to a perfectly level concrete slab. The video, set to a remix of Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5,” garnered over 2 million views in 24 hours.

Flatlining Humor

While some embrace Walkerson’s philosophy, others have turned the report into a punchline. Late-night host Jimmy Farnsworth joked, “Construction spending in November was so flat, they’re using it to level tables at the Commerce Department.”

Another commentator quipped, “If flat is beautiful, then November was a supermodel.” Walkerson, however, sees humor as an ally. “If people are laughing, they’re listening,” she said. “And if they’re listening, they’re learning to love flat.”

The Economics of Flat

Walkerson’s newfound fame has even reached academia, where economists are debating whether her flat-positive message has merit.

“Stability in construction spending can be a sign of resilience,” said Dr. Marcia Hanley, a professor of urban economics at Georgetown University. “But let’s not kid ourselves—an increase would’ve been better.”

Still, Walkerson has managed to turn even the driest of data into a rallying cry. “What’s wrong with resilience?” she asked during a webinar titled “The Power of Plateaus.” “We can’t climb mountains every month. Sometimes we need to rest and admire the view.”

The Road Ahead

As December’s numbers loom, economists are hoping for a more dynamic report. Meanwhile, Walkerson is doubling down on her advocacy.

“I’m launching a podcast called Flat Chats, where we’ll talk about everything flat—flat numbers, flat roofs, flat soda, flat chests, you name it,” she announced to a small but enthusiastic crowd at a local diner. “Flat is the future.”

Whether her movement will gain traction remains to be seen, but Walkerson is determined to see her message through. “Flat is a foundation,” she said, gesturing dramatically toward a nearby construction site. “And what do you need before you can build something great? A solid, flat foundation.”

In the world of construction spending—and internet memes—Carrie Walkerson has found her niche. For better or worse, November’s flatline may have paved the way for a movement as steady and unshakable as freshly poured concrete.

#flatisbeautiful #satire #Construction