UDOT Recycling Old Highway Concrete to Build New Road Base, Evil Lair Entrance

Recycling Concrete and the bones of those buried in it.

SALT LAKE CITY — UDOT crews have finally found a way to recycle old concrete from the Bangerter Highway into something truly sustainable: the foundation of their long-awaited evil lair.

“For years, we’ve been a transportation agency, but deep down, we’ve always dreamed of a subterranean fortress,” said Chad Powers, UDOT’s self-appointed Henchman #1. “Now, thanks to recycled concrete, that dream is becoming a reality.”

The project, which repurposes approximately 15,000 cubic yards of old concrete, is being marketed as a sustainability initiative. But insiders reveal it’s really about fulfilling personal grievances.

“This totally makes up for the fact that my dad never finished my treehouse,” Chad confided while supervising an excavator. “He built the base but never added the ladder. Then he had to go and die saving an old lady from a burning building. So selfish.”

Concrete Dreams

UDOT crews have been hard at work, smashing up decades-old highway pavement and running it through a state-of-the-art crusher. Officially, the material is being reused as a road base for new interchanges. Unofficially, it’s doubling as the groundwork for what employees describe as “a Bond-villain-style lair with decent parking.”

“We’re recycling the concrete on-site, reducing truck trips and emissions,” said Robert Stewart, UDOT Region 2 director, while gesturing vaguely toward a pile of rubble. “And, of course, it’s perfect for a drawbridge mechanism.”

The lair’s design reportedly includes recycled rebar for reinforced walls, secret tunnels to bypass Salt Lake City traffic, and a giant rotating chair powered entirely by renewable energy.

Drawing of Final Evil Layer upon completion

Bangerter Highway: A Villainous Upgrade

The recycling effort is part of UDOT’s ongoing mission to improve traffic flow by converting Bangerter Highway intersections into freeway-style interchanges. But skeptics suspect the new designs are less about easing congestion and more about concealing missile silos.

Jake Nielson, project manager for the Bangerter 4700 South project, brushed off the allegations. “What people don’t realize is that highways are 100% recyclable. That includes turning them into supervillain hideouts, which is honestly a very eco-friendly move.”

UDOT claims these upgrades will enhance safety and convenience for the 60,000 vehicles traveling the highway daily. However, leaked blueprints show a suspicious number of shark tanks under those “interchanges.”

Moving Forward (and Downward)

As for Chad, he sees the project as both personal redemption and professional ambition. “This lair isn’t just for me; it’s for anyone who’s ever had their dreams paved over,” he said, pausing to spray-paint a skull logo on the crusher.

Whether this initiative will truly improve traffic flow or just serve as a recruitment tool for henchmen remains to be seen. For now, UDOT promises that all recycling efforts align with their mission of sustainability, traffic improvement, and eventual world domination.

For more information on UDOT’s evil lair—or the traffic detours it’s causing—visit www.udot.utah.gov.