Underwater Life Responds to Komatsu's Electric Underwater Dozer: "Not Exactly What We Had in Mind for Eco-Friendly Construction"

Komatsu Underwater

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See the Dozer in Action.

LAS VEGAS — In a move that’s sent waves through both the construction world and marine life, Komatsu and Asunaro Aoki Construction have unveiled their electric underwater bulldozer, designed to operate at depths of up to 160 feet. But while construction professionals are celebrating the "next big thing" in amphibious machinery, the local aquatic community isn’t exactly jumping for joy.

The concept, revealed at CES in Las Vegas, has caused quite the stir, but not in the way Komatsu had hoped. "This is exactly the kind of machine we didn't need," said Shelly, a human who self-identifies as a transgender mermaid and spokesperson for the Deep Sea Coalition. "I was hoping for more sustainable solutions that wouldn’t involve giant bulldozers digging up our ocean beds. It's like showing up to a vegan potluck with a ham sandwich!"

Shelly, who spends her time advocating for marine life and trying to make waves (in the best way possible), wasn’t impressed by Komatsu’s latest. "An electric bulldozer? Great. So, it’s green, but it’s still going to squash my favorite coral reef like it’s the last seat on a crowded subway."

Komatsu's Electric Underwater Dozer

Komatsu, on the other hand, insists the underwater bulldozer will revolutionize ecological restoration and post-disaster reconstruction efforts. The vehicle is equipped with state-of-the-art data mapping technology that lets operators—who remain safely perched on shore—see the seabed or lakebed being cleared. “It’s like Google Maps, but instead of a street view, it’s a bulldozer literally bulldozing your childhood memories,” Shelly retorted.

As for the "ecological restoration" claims, Shelly wasn’t having it. "Restoring the ocean doesn’t mean digging it up like it’s the backyard of your grandma’s house. I mean, have they ever seen a clam house? You can’t just go in there with a bulldozer and say, ‘Oops! My bad!’"

Shelly continued, her voice rising with righteous anger: "Listen, Komatsu, you keep saying you’re helping the planet, but all I see is a future where the mermaid community unleashes the Leviathan, and then you’ll all be sorry." She paused, eyes narrowing dramatically. “Trust me, once Leviathan gets his fins on this situation, no amount of electric bulldozers will be able to save you.”

Shelly had a lot to say about Komatsu’s new electric underwater bulldozer, and none of it was positive. First, she pointed out that just because it’s electric doesn’t mean it’s eco-friendly, calling it a "jackhammer to the ocean floor" disguised as a spa treatment. "This thing's so deep it makes the Mariana Trench look like a kiddie pool," she said, adding that despite its green credentials, it's still a bulldozer—just with a slightly better power source. She went on to mock the company’s claim that it would help with post-disaster reconstruction, quipping, "Who exactly is ‘disaster’ in this scenario? Because I'm pretty sure it’s the ocean!" The fact that it was electric didn’t impress her either: "Great, it's electric. It’s like saying you’re saving the environment by making it more annoying for marine life to exist." She sarcastically remarked, "This is like the ocean’s version of an influencer—taking over everything with no real purpose." Shelly made it clear that while the bulldozer may be innovative, it's still a bulldozer—"still an ocean destroyer," as she put it. To cap it all off, she threatened that once Leviathan was unleashed, no amount of bulldozer technology would save anyone.

The fish we interviewed. His tiny lapel flower fell off.

For a counterpoint we also tried interviewing a very smart clownfish for its take on the situation, but it just kept trying to get us to smell its tiny flower, which we assumed was some kind of underwater water-squirt prank. Fish aren’t exactly the brightest.

Komatsu's Electric Underwater Dozer team, ever the optimist, is forging ahead with plans to feature the underwater bulldozer as part of the “Future Society Showcase Project” at Expo 2025 in Osaka, Japan. But with Shelly’s warnings, it might be wise for them to leave the sea creatures off the guest list. "Once Leviathan is unleashed, I’m going to need a bigger net," Shelly quipped, finishing with a wink.

For now, Shelly and her fellow mermaids have vowed to continue fighting for a world where heavy machinery stays on land and ocean life can get back to doing what it does best: just existing peacefully, without bulldozers trying to turn their homes into construction zones. “If you want to see real power, just wait till we call on the sea monsters,” Shelly concluded. “Trust me, it won’t be pretty.”

#satire #komatsu #mermaid