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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking twist that’s left economists scratching their heads and evil billionaires furiously refreshing their offshore accounts, confidence in the U.S. equipment finance industry has skyrocketed to a three-year high. Despite relentless efforts by shadowy oligarchs to crush the backbone of America—our builders—industry leaders are defying the odds and declaring,
“Hold my hard hat.”
The Equipment Leasing & Finance Foundation’s (ELFF) Monthly Confidence Index for November hit a triumphant 67.5, up from October’s modest 61.8. “It’s like we just found out concrete cures itself,” said one unnamed finance executive, who may or may not moonlight as a poet for forklift operators.
A whopping 43.3% of respondents predict brighter business conditions over the next four months, likely fueled by the realization that America’s real superheroes wear safety vests, not capes. Meanwhile, 50% expect conditions to stay the same, proving that optimism in finance still comes with a healthy dose of "meh."
Conspicuously absent from this month’s survey? Anyone describing the U.S. economy as "excellent," because who needs perfection when you’ve got a front-row seat to “slightly less terrible”?
Mark Bonanno, president of North Mill Equipment Finance, noted that while he’s still concerned about debt, he’s buoyed by the resilience of builders who seem unphased by anything short of a meteor strike. “Growth after the election cycle looks promising,” he said, possibly while wielding a symbolic sledgehammer.
James D. Jenks, CEO of Global Finance and Leasing Services, took things up a notch, predicting that “Trump’s policies will improve the economy and cut red tape,” adding that he’s already eyeing a golden shovel for next year’s groundbreakings.
As for the evil billionaires? Word on the street is they’ve shifted tactics, now plotting to sneakily replace all cranes with useless giant claw machines. Stay tuned.
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