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It’s easy to look at the world and feel like you’re falling behind. Everywhere you turn, the internet reminds you that some TikTok star has already founded a billion-dollar skincare line while you’re still trying to figure out how to make banana bread rise properly. But take heart, dear reader: history is full of late bloomers who prove it’s never too late to start believing in yourself, and no one embodies this ethos more than Vlad III, better known as Vlad the Impaler.
Yes, the man who inspired Bram Stoker’s Dracula didn’t even pick up his first spike until his mid-30s. And you think you’re running out of time to start that podcast? Vlad didn’t just rewrite his story—he punctuated it with the screaming corpses of his enemies. If Vlad can find his calling at 35, then what’s stopping you from sending out that job application, learning to play the ukulele, or, you know, not impaling people?
Impale Your Inner Doubts
Vlad’s early life wasn’t exactly promising. Born in 1431 into the noble House of Drăculești, he spent most of his youth as a political hostage. While other kids were frolicking in fields, Vlad was busy being pawned off in political chess games by rulers who probably used him to get out of bad treaties. For years, he stewed in captivity, honing his anger and dreaming of the day he could take control of his life.
Compare this to modern existential angst. Sure, your boss makes you stay late to finish PowerPoint slides, but have they locked you in a dungeon and fed you bread crusts? No? Then you, too, can rise above your circumstances and claim your metaphorical throne.
When Vlad finally ascended to power in Wallachia, he didn’t start impaling immediately. No, no, our boy Vlad took time to strategize, to learn the nuances of governance, and—most importantly—to realize that diplomacy was not his thing. He spent his 20s experimenting with smaller acts of vengeance, building up to his pièce de résistance: 20,000 Ottoman soldiers skewered like human kebabs outside Târgoviște.
What can we learn from this? It’s okay to start small. Start with one Etsy shop or one Pilates class. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was Vlad’s forest of corpses.
Age Is Just a Number (Unless It’s a Body Count)
Think about all the cultural pressure to achieve greatness by 30. Vlad would laugh in the face of these arbitrary milestones. He was too busy biding his time, waiting until the exact right moment to unleash his reign of terror.
At 35, most of us are either lamenting that we’re not young anymore or clinging desperately to whatever semblance of youth we have left. Not Vlad. At 35, Vlad was out there redefining what it meant to "make a point."
And while we’re not advocating for a career in mass murder (please don’t), Vlad’s story should be a clarion call for all those who feel like time is slipping through their fingers. You are not too old. You are not too late. Your best work may still be ahead of you, even if it involves slightly fewer war crimes.
Vlad the Impaler: Lessons in Personal Branding
Vlad didn’t just execute people—he executed his brand flawlessly. His nickname, "the Impaler," wasn’t something he stumbled into; it was cultivated. It stuck. People feared it.
In today’s saturated job market, standing out is crucial. Vlad’s methods were extreme, but his principles apply. He leaned into what made him unique, owning his narrative with all the subtlety of a blood-soaked broadsword. If you want to be remembered—hopefully for good things—figure out what makes you distinct and amplify it.
For instance, are you the office's unofficial IT guru? Start branding yourself as the “Tech Whisperer.” Are you the friend who always brings gourmet snacks to parties? Embrace your role as a culinary artist. Vlad didn’t shy away from his quirk (albeit a very stabby one), and neither should you.
Impaling the Status Quo
Vlad’s rise wasn’t just about self-discovery—it was a rebellion against expectations. The Ottomans wanted a puppet ruler. Vlad gave them a nightmare. Society said, "Play nice." Vlad said, "Define nice."
The moral? Sometimes you have to impale the status quo—figuratively, of course. Stuck in a dead-end job? Start sending out resumes. In a toxic relationship? Build the courage to walk away. Like Vlad, you can reclaim your power and carve a path that’s uniquely your own.
Not Every Dream Needs a Timeline
One of the most liberating aspects of Vlad’s story is that it shatters the myth of the ticking clock. Society loves to tell us that if we haven’t “made it” by a certain age, we’re doomed to mediocrity. But here’s the thing: success doesn’t have an expiration date.
It’s easy to get discouraged scrolling through Instagram and seeing 25-year-olds buying mansions or 18-year-olds becoming YouTube millionaires. But what those posts don’t show is the burnout, the pressure, and the fleeting nature of early success.
Vlad’s achievements came later in life, and they left a lasting impact—perhaps too lasting, given the whole Dracula mythos. It’s a reminder that your best years might not be behind you; they might be sharpening stakes just around the corner.
Channeling Your Inner Vlad
So how can you apply Vlad’s lessons in a way that won’t end in a Netflix docuseries? Start with self-belief. Embrace the fact that your timeline is yours alone. And don’t let anyone—your parents, your peers, or the Gregorian calendar—tell you otherwise.
Take action, no matter how small. It doesn’t have to be as dramatic as impaling invaders. Maybe it’s finally signing up for that pottery class, launching your side hustle, or even just hitting the gym for the first time in years.
Finally, lean into your quirks. The things that make you unique are your greatest assets. Vlad understood this on a visceral level. You don’t have to be the most polished, the most conventional, or the most qualified—you just have to be unapologetically you.
The Final Word
At the end of the day, Vlad the Impaler didn’t let his late start define him. He found his niche, leaned into it, and made history—albeit in a very gruesome way. You don’t need to follow his methods, but you can certainly draw inspiration from his trajectory.
So the next time you feel like you’re running out of time to achieve greatness, remember Vlad. Remember the stakes—no, not those stakes. And remember that it’s never too late to start believing in yourself.
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