Volvo’s Self-Driving Trucks Begin Trials in Texas, Sparky Brown Declares War

Autonomous DHL Truck in Texas.

Sparky Brown. "Kill the robots."

Houston, TX—Volvo Autonomous Solutions (V.A.S.) has launched a groundbreaking trial of its Volvo VNL Autonomous trucks in partnership with DHL Supply Chain. The trucks, powered by the cutting-edge Aurora Driver technology, will initially haul freight between Dallas, Houston, and Fort Worth. However, not everyone is thrilled—namely, Texas trucker Sparky Brown, who has already dubbed himself “the resistance.”

“This ain’t a Terminator movie; it’s my livelihood!” barked Sparky, who reportedly stormed a truck stop with a wrench, yelling, “Bring me your Volvos!” Sparky claims autonomous trucks are a “direct threat to American truckers and barbecue pit stops everywhere.”

Volvo maintains that their self-driving trucks, loaded with high-tech sensors, redundancy systems, and enough lidar to spot a gnat in a hurricane, are built for safe, efficient freight transport. “These trucks are equipped to handle highway speeds and any challenges the road throws at them,” said a Volvo representative. “The only thing they can’t do yet is fend off a guy named Sparky with a crowbar.”

While Volvo’s safety drivers remain in the cab during trials to monitor performance, Sparky insists this is a slippery slope. “First, they’re ‘monitoring.’ Next, they’re taking over trucker diners, replacing pie with battery recharge stations!” he proclaimed.

The trial also aims to address the driver shortage by offering opportunities for remote fleet management, reducing physical strain on drivers, and potentially increasing job satisfaction. Sparky countered, “Who’s satisfied sitting behind a desk watching a robot do their job? That’s not trucking—it’s a glorified screensaver.”

Despite Sparky’s outrage, Volvo and DHL are optimistic about the future. “This isn’t about replacing drivers but enhancing logistics while improving safety and efficiency,” said Jim Monkmeyer, DHL’s president of transportation.

But Sparky remains unmoved, already organizing a grassroots movement called Trucker Standoff. His plan? To line up big rigs on I-45 and chant, “Real drivers, real freight!”

As the autonomous freight future accelerates, one thing is certain: Sparky Brown isn’t ready to share the road with robots just yet.

#satire #truckers